Life is an adventure

2012-03-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

Dispararse en el pie, DEFINICIÓN:

Del inglés "shoot yourself in the foot". Hacer o decir algo que genera consecuencias contraproducentes para quien las hizo o dijo. Ejemplo: "Voy a tomar este revolver, voy a cargarlo y luego voy a jalar el gatillo mientras le apunto a mi pie".

Keep moving forward

2012-03-06T09:00:00.002-08:00

Querido diario, hace un buen que no te visitaba pero en las últimas semanas viví una experiencia de la que vale la pena dejar constancia para el futuro. Asi que aqui va... (da play al video y deja que corra mientras lees el texto, no el del video, sino el del post).

Hace no mucho tiempo -marzo del año pasado-, en una galaxia por Xalapa, entré a trabajar al Instituto Educativo Xalapeño y en enero de este año me pidieron mi renuncia. Cuandoentregué al IEX les di todo, pero el Instituto insiste en que yo tendría queentregarles los expedientes de lassesiones que estudiantes, docentes, coordinadores y directivos tuvieronconmigo, pues aunque lo que los usuarios me relataban era confidencial, laescuela argumenta que por el hecho de estar trabajando ahí, dichos expedientesson de su propiedad.

Comoen mi contrato no se estipulaba que tuviera que crear dichos expedientes (y el servicio no consistía en darles terapia sino en que pudieran tener un espacio para hacer catarsis),decidí, basado en el código de ética de mi profesión, que no era necesario creardichos documentos precisamente con la intención de proteger la privacidad detodos los que depositaron su confianza en mí (el usuario podía ir cuando fuera y cuantas veces quisiera, sin que mediara una entrevista, diagnóstico, tratamiento y fin del mismo, luego entonces, crear un expediente clínico era inútil).

Alhacer la entrega, la escuela se negó a darme mi liquidación y me condicionó diciendo:“entréganos los expedientes y nosotros te damos tu dinero”. Tanto a Diana (Subdirectora General), como a Hugo (Representante Legal), lesexplique las razones éticas que me impiden hacer talcosa (además de que me parece obvio que no se puede entregar algo inexistente) y viendo que estaban dispuestos a usar la cohersión -pues hasta donde yo séningún empleador puede retener la liquidación bajo ningún argumento- mi temor de que la información que se me confió pudiera ser usada con falta de ética se reforzó.

Perola cosa no paró ahí, sino que este viernes me llegó un citatorio de la PGJ parapresentarme a declarar en un rato más -como mi filosofía de vida incluye varioselementos zen y budistas, deduzco que la única persona que podría presentaruna querella así proviene del Instituto-. Ahora bien, de la revisión que yo hehecho estoy convencido que no existe ningún elemento en la ley que, bajo lasactuales circunstancias, pueda obligarme a revelar las confesiones hechas porlos usuarios, incluso al establecer mi rol dentro de la escuela, directivos y coordinadores, aceptaron que lo que se manejara en dichassesiones permaneciera confidencial, es decir, que la escuela no tuviese accesoa esa información (pues de otra manera no hubiese sido posible dar el servicio yaque el usuario no se sentiría en confianza de revelar cosas que pudieran ser vitalespara ayudarle en su desarrollo pero que implicaran desacuerdos o críticas aprocesos, compañeros, padres de familia y autoridades dentro del Instituto -y en ciertos casos, como el de la misma Diana Janneth, esto también implicaba a familiares pues varios de ellos son parte del IEX-).

Amí no me queda de otra más que comparecer y defender mi posición. Yo no sé cuáles puedan ser las posiblesconsecuencias en caso de que la ley decida a favor de la escuela y menosconociendo la lamentable corrupción que infecta nuestros serviciosgubernamentales, en caso de que por alguna razón este fuese mi último post enmucho tiempo, me gustaría agradecerles a todos los que han estado acompañándomedurante el camino.

Ycomo lo anterior suena a corte telenovelero de viernes, prefiero terminar con unpárrafo que siempre viene a mi mente en momentos como este (además igual y no me permiten acceso a internet el tiempo queesté en la cárcel y me parece que el siguiente párrafo suena chido como para que sean mis últimas palabras):

De T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"

"Lomejor para la tristeza -contestó Merlín, empezando a soplar y resoplar -esaprender algo. Es lo único que no falla nunca. Puedes envejecer y sentir todatu anatomía temblorosa; puedes permanecer despierto por la noche escuchando eldesorden de tus venas; puedes extrañar a tu único amor, puedes ver el mundo atu alrededor devastado por lunaticos perversos, o saber que tu honor espisoteado en las cloacas de inteligencias inferiores. Sólo hay una cosa paraello: aprender. Aprender por qué se mueve el mundo y qué es lo que lo mueve.Esa es la única cosa de la cual, la mente nunca se puede cansar, nuncaalienarse, nunca sentirse torturada por ello, que nunca le inspirará miedo odesconfianza y nunca soñara con arrepentirse de ello. Aprender es lo único quehay para ti. Mira todas las cosas que puedes aprender"

*** INTERMEDIO ***

*** FIN DEL INTERMEDIO ***

La audiencia conciliatoria ya terminó; el juez nos invitó a resolver esto de manera particular sin recurrir a otras instancias legales y el representante del IEX dijo que "consultaría las bases" y que en el transcurso de la tarde me avisaría si deciden seguir en la misma o si dan finiquitado el asunto y de paso me entregan mi liquidación. Esperaré lo mejor y me prepararé para lo peor.

*** INTERMEDIO SEGUNDO ***

*** FIN DEL INTERMEDIO SEGUNDO ***

TERCER ACTO DEL CITATORIO DE LA PGJ A PETICIÓN DEL IEX:
- Dame los expedientes de todos.
- No tengo expedientes, pero aún si existieran, serían confidenciales.
- Dame los expedientes de todos. They´re mine, my own... my preciousss.
- Really? Do I have to do it again? ahi va: NO se elaboraron expedientes, no puedo entregar lo que no existe y si en un universo alterno existieran, mi obligación sería proteger su contenido pues serían confidenciales.
- Bueno, entonces firmame este papel donde te obligamos a ser ético y guardar la confidencialidad de los expedientes.
- 0_o?!

Ya sé, ya sé, jamás creí presenciar la existencia de un Uróboros, pero tal y como lo describe el diálogo anterior, así podría resumirse lo sucedido, pues hace unas horas la escuela me llamó para entregarme mi liquidación y dar por terminada la relación laboral firmando un documento donde se declara que ni ellos me deben, ni yo a ellos. Pretendían anexar a dicho documento una clausula de confidencialidad donde me exhortaban a ser ético y no revelar la información que pudiera estar en mi poder, pero dejar constancia en un documento legal de que ahora me pedían exactamente lo que ellos no querían que hiciera en un principio me pareció el epítome de la ironía así que le quitamos ese pedazo (después de todo, entre más se acerca un oponente al suelo más respeto merece).

Siempre he considerado mi misión de vida dejar un lugar mejor de como lo encontré y me alegra que incluso en este momento final, Hugo Vega Morales y Diana Janneth Aguilar Sánchez, que me pedían que entregara los supuestos expedientes, no sólo se percataran del error, sino que incluso se sumaran a mi convicción de la importancia de mantener la confidencialidad. Estoy muy feliz ^_^

No fue un pase para ganar el Superbowl, no son 6 campeonatos de la NBA, ni un título de peso pesado, pero debo reconocer que hice un baile aún más estrambótico que el del principio de este video. Lecciones de vida aprendidas en esta experiencia:

Lección #1: ¿Es una relación laboral? Aún si es con tu mejor amigo de la infancia TODO acuerdo va por escrito y con copia de recibido.

Lección #2: ¿Alguien intenta sobornarte? ¿Alguien intenta infundirte miedo? Entonces muy probablemente vas por el camino correcto.

Lección #3: Dejar de escalar cuando las condiciones se ponen más adversas es justo lo contrario a lo que venimos a esta montaña infinita. Se trata de seguir avanzando hasta morir.

Lección #4: Be willing to die for any of your men:

2011-12-16T22:35:00.000-08:00

ZEN

2011-12-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

2011-10-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

I miss writing...
I miss having time for myself...
And since a few weeks ago, all my days feel like this:

2011-09-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

The Gift of Creativity

2011-08-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Mental Health

The essence of sickness are the unalterable and insatiable patterns of a rigid behaviour.

The measure of mental heath is flexibility.

2011-08-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today,
the morning was full
of yellow butterflies...

2011-07-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

"Devotion" (2007)

2011-07-02T19:51:00.000-07:00

Doing Less, Achieving More.

And here I am... 6 months have gone since I resigned to my "Almost Famous" adventure, and it was definitely the best decision, I'm doing a LOT, and to achieve it, the first step was to do less:

1. I made a list of everything I wanted to do or have, regardless how crazy could sound.
2. Then, I made a list in order of relevance, and from the 24 things on the list I decided to focus on the first five and cut lose the rest without looking into the rearview mirror.
3. I made a realistic schedule giving the most of my time to the number one thing on my list and so on.
4. Followed the schedule with minimal deviation (there are always unforeseen bumps on any ride).
5. After four weeks, I have completed one of my five goals: To open my office.

Here are some pics of the process:

Measuring, getting ready the tools, the place and ourselves...

The paint is ready...

...and "The world is our canvas".

And our asses are a canvas too.

Hitting the pause button...

...and then keep moving forward.

Untill everything took shape...

...and ended up looking like this:

What I have learned?

I can commit, I can adapt, I can deliver and with the help from my family and my friends...
...I'm unstoppable.

2011-04-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

The Time is Now

2011-04-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

Japan IX, The Journey (Part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V, part VI, part VII, part VIII).

Epilogue. Here are the last pics about my trip to Japan

It was impressive to me not only see a parking lot for bicycles, but to see it full. It was very motivating.

"Parking lot"

"Kiccoro and Morizo" (I was lucky enough to be present in the Aichi World Expo).

"Manga Overdose" (A 9 stores building filled with nothing but mangas... is anyone else having a wet mouth right now?)

The funny thing about Japan is that if you want to be inside a manga you have to go out of the building:

"Akibahara beauties"

"Manga girl"

"Shinkansen!" (Traveling at the speed of a bullet! WOHOOO!)

"Tattoo parlour" (the girl at my left is who tattoed "freedom" in my arm).

"Giant luck" (Maneki-neko is very common everywhere you go. This is the biggest one I come across).

If I have to describe what I felt leaving Japan I would do it with this picture:

"Melancholy"

And this pic represents the most cherished experience of my whole stay in Japan:

"Origami secret"

And this is how the Japan Journey Journal comes to an end.

BONUS:

The most representative item of the japanese technology:

"Technology"

2011-03-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Tie the Room Together.

2011-03-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

E-tests that reveal something about me (and make me look cool at the same time).

The "The What Ninja Turtle Am I" Test.

Donatello, Cowabunga, you gots 73%, bitch!

You're a dork! Good for you! If you were a member of N'Sync, you be the other guy. As in "Leo, Ralph, Mike, and the other guy". Alright, I'm just fucking with you. But c'mon, even Don is not Don's favorite Ninja Turtle, Mike is! And he's your best friend! The perk of being Don is that's your smart, and you complete the team. You're never in any real danger, because you're just Don, and no one really considers you a threat. To be fair, it's not your fault you got stuck with purple, you all drew straws and you got the shity colour. And you're not always boring, right?! You get the Turtles out of a lot of tough situations. And a Bo staff is better than chucks, right?! So hold your chin, be proud to be the other gu...-uh, I mean Donatello!

...And that explains this blog's header.

2011-02-27T19:31:00.001-08:00

No joy. Fail.

2011-02-24T15:18:00.000-08:00

...aaand WE'RE BACK!!!

2010 has been the faster year I have seen go by. Seriously. Like:
"ZUUUUUUM!"
- Wha... WAIT! What was that?!
- It was 2010.
- WHA...?! But I wanted to get on it! GODDA... ...you know what? it's fine no big deal, I'm okay. Really. When's the next one?
- There's none.
- WHA...?! How the fuck am I gonna..?! You know what? fine... I'll walk.

Lets sum up:

February 2010.
- I get offered a job that requires from me to move back to Mexico City.
- I take the job.
- I move back.
- To an apartment 1 block away from my office.

February 2011.
- I wake up in a room with my two kidneys... and somebody else's kidney in the fridge (I'm not touching this!) I also notice that I have several tattoos but none of them tell me what to do, so the first thing I figured out is that I'm not in "Memento". What happened between Febraury 2010 and Febraury 2011? I just have fragments:

- I signed a contract/resigned/get hired again and promoted to department boss. All in two days.

- Jump on so many planes that I'm sick of it. As a kid on those rare ocassions (two) that I had the chance to go to an airport I used to thought: "I would love to be one of these persons who have to travel each week!"
Jezzz... If I get the chance to have a "Twelve Monkeys" moment I will walk right to that little sweet boy and give him a pat in the head... with a baseball bat. I think that I have take off my belt more times for metal detectors than for sex! Mark my words: Not even if there's a zombie outbrake I will ever get on a plane. Damn you Wright Brothers! Damn you and all your descendance!

- Had a couple of "Almost Famous" moments:

"Almost Famous" moment 1

"Almost Famous" moment 2

- Had the most tortuous phase in a relationship ever. I'm completely clueless on how I managed to survive... but here I am (and so are you) AND HIGH ON LOVE!

- Got one of the worsts december flue, so bad that at some point I started to think I had been infected with Chimera, and despise my recent hate to airplanes, considered to buy a ticket to Australia and pay a visit to the guys at Byocite and get medieval on their asses (then again, maybe I was just delusional from the fever).

And that's all I can remember... The obsessive-compulsive rhythm of work and the psychoexgirlfriend behaviour of my boss managed to dry me out to the point that I have decided to kill everybody in the office -except for that guy that every day gives me candy - ...or maybe I will just resign, it all depends on how much does a shotgun cost these days.

AHAHAHA! GOT YOU! Just kidding on the killing part , I resigned.
On another topic... Why does Walmart doesn't sell shotguns?

Oh well, what now?
Will see...
...but mostly: Whatever the fuck I want.

2011-02-23T11:05:00.000-08:00

Its your birthday!

...but I can't give you a hug because I'm far away from you.

...I can't give you a box in shiny wrapping paper and ribbons because I went bankrupt.

All I can give you is this:

I hope you like it.

2011-02-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

Wet Dream.

- I just had the weirdest wet dream ever...
- What was about?
- I was just about to get it done with a girl ...but I wasn't into it.

2011-02-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

Lasagna for one.

2011-02-12T21:55:00.000-08:00

2011-02-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

Pausa

Decidí detener el tiempo
para habitar por siempre en ese lugar
donde fui el amor de tu vida
y tus labios no necesitaban separarse de los mios
donde las estrellas brillaban eternamente
y el latido de mi corazón
era lo único que necesitabas para ser feliz.

Espero no te moleste que decida quedarme aqui.

2011-02-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

Lost

I don't know who I am anymore. I've become my worst nightmare... and can't find the way back home. While my heart and mind are consumed by this darkness, one and only thing I know:

Nobody else needs to suffer this with me. See you in hell.

2011-02-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

El correo que te escribí y que no debí haberte enviado.

No puedo decirte adiós...
No puedo borrarte de mi vida...

Porque TÚ eres mi vida.

Trato de alejarte porque estoy inundado de dolor, pensé que al quitarme del camino dejaría de sentir esta tristeza, pero debajo de toda esa sangre y lágrimas esta el amor que siento por ti.

Me quedé ciego... No puedo ver el mundo si no estas.

No tengo hambre, no tengo sueño.
No tengo significado.

Me quedé sin destino...
Sin ti.

2011-02-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

No me llames...
No me escribas...
No pronuncies mi nombre...

Porque entonces tendré que responderte:
"Si, sigo locamente enamorado de ti"

2011-02-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

No voy a poder dormir...

No sé si voy a poder vivir...

Tus navajas destrozaron mi corazón,

Y aún así sangra "te amo".

2011-01-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

"¿Qué sucede?" te preguntas, es sencillo:

Cada vez que te enamoras más de él, menos amor siento por ti...

2010-08-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Yo creo

Yo creo que nunca pudiste perdonar mis errores...
Yo creo que desde entonces tu rabia fue creciendo...
Y fuiste atando espinas, una tras otra...
Hasta desangrarme el corazón...

Y ahora camino enceguecido, envenenado...
Con la esperanza de que en algún momento,
el dolor me dé el valor para cortarme las venas...
Y así olvidar que la vida es algo que vale la pena vivir...

2010-07-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

I guess...

2010-05-31T18:18:00.000-07:00

A Dream

Suddenly I woke up and realize that the life I thought I had, was nothing but a dream.
Turns out I do not live in the country, I live in the city...
I do not walk naked around my house, I wear tie & suit from 9 to 6
I do not sleep in a wooden sleeping porch, I sleep in a inflatable matress on the floor...
I do not have a cat, it's my roomate pet.
Our lips doesn't kiss, I am alone.

That life was so vivid that when I woke up I thought I was dreaming.
My heart should have shattered in million pieces... Instead, it has frozen up.

(whisper)

2010-05-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

Decision

Tomorrow my future will suffer a drastic change... Tomorrow decision will be the one that changes every decision from now on... or as R.E.M. would say:

AND I FEEEEL FIIIINE!!

2010-05-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

We

You didn't appeared naked under the stars...
I didn't paint your silhouette...

And yet, for an instant, we made love.

2010-05-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Common Sense

2010-05-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

The Last Season in "Bruno's Life..."

Even when I have been posting some things here and there I feel like I have abandoned my blog, therefore this will be the post that mark my return to "one post at least a week". Why? because the point of this blog is to have a journal of my everyday life, is something I simply need, it's my therapy.

So let's see... why I haven't been writing lately?

Reason 1: I focused on my couple relationship and in my search for a job (both freelance and paycheck).

Reason 2: I have no camera (when I take photos I feel compeled to post).

Reason 3: I took a job that required to move back to Mexico City, and I travel to Xalapa each weekend to see my girlfriend. Girlfriend and the job are taking all my time and energy.

So, what has happened in the last months?

- Christmas was a sad time because Nathaly went to Green Bay for the whole month, so I spend that time in loneliness (because my schizoid and antisocial disorder makes me want to spend my time only with Nathaly and nobody else).

- When she came back whe spend a few weeks together and then I moved back to Mexico City, the consequences to that decision had been intense (both good and bad).

- Sometimes I hate my work and sometimes I love it, sometimes I feel like quiting and sometimes I see it like the place I wannna be for the rest of my life. So far I have already visited Guanajuato, Tlaxcala and Oaxaca thanks to it and also I'm having the chance to "spread the good word" to many health workers.

- Nathaly sometimes behaves like the exact girl I'm looking for to spend my life with and sometimes like a bitch I wan't to walk away and never look back. Time will tell...

- I keep myself in good shape, and lately I have been trying new routines of exercises, with Zuzana.

- My social life is reduced to watch Dexter, Weeds, The Big Bang Theory and Lie to Me. And once in a blue moon I go out to see some friends.

- I have a great idea for the next "Psychic Structure" strip but I haven't got the motivation to draw it.

- I haven't graduated from the master, although I should.

...and that's it.

2010-05-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

In the "list of things to do before I die"...

You were an "I did it!"

2010-04-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

La carta que no te escribí

Tal vez fue mi error al subirme en la ambulancia

Tal vez no debí aparecer a la mañana siguiente

Suavicé el golpe más de la cuenta y por ello

No despertaste de tu sueño de ser diva

Que por tenerlo todo, sólo nota lo que no tiene

Sigues con tus celos depredadores

Y tus berrinches de “no comas, no respires, no hagas nada excepto contemplarme sin parpadear, porque sólo así tu amor es válido”

Ahora mi trabajo parece un descanso en comparación

Con la tensión de la bomba que tengo que desarmar cada fin de semana

Hay tantas cosas que no puedo compartirte, tantas cosas que tengo que callarme

Porque si las expresara desatarían un estallido

Así que ya no crezco a tu lado

Ahora me cuido de ti

Ya no eres mi oasis

Ahora camino con todos los músculos tensos

Dando cada paso despacio y con cautela

Cuidando de caer por el borde del abismo que representas

Estaba destrozado, con el alma y el músculo hecho jirones

Pudiste haberme arropado con tus caricias

Pudiste haber alimentado mi corazón

Darme tus cuidados para que nuestras sonrisas se encontraran

Al llegar mi despertar

En vez de eso fue “dame, quiero"

Y te dí lo que me quedaba

Y te quise tanto como mis pocas fuerzas me lo permitieron

Pero no fue suficiente

Y sólo te escuche decir "no me das, no me quieres”

Ya no soporto más las lágrimas de este niño pequeño

Que me suplica que deje de arrojarlo a tu cama de espinas

Ya no puedo verlo a la cara sin sentirme avergonzado

De no hacer nada para evitar que sigas lastimándolo

Así que me voy, será duro, será solitario

Pero al menos estará a salvo de tu furia

Ya no puedo amarte

Porque ya no tengo labios para besarte

Ni piel para abrazarte

Lo consumiste todo

Por eso no me busques

Porque ya no queda nada de mi.

2010-04-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't die.
I haven't lost my interest in writing.
Is just that...
I have a life.

2010-03-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Estoy muy avergonzado y lo lamento mucho... Nadie visita este castillo y cuando usted expresó interés no sólo por alojarse en mi morada sino hasta por conocer estas mazmorras confundí su curiosidad con agrado y el entusiasmo me dominó.

Una fiebre me hizo creer que su belleza pertenecía a mi perversión y que estos grilletes habían sido diseñados para amoldarse a sus tobillos y muñecas. Deliré queriendo soñar que el retorcido amor que nadie habia querido recibir por fin podía dedicarlo a su piel y es por eso que me atreví a desnudarla y atarla a mi oscuridad.

Permítame acercarme una última vez a usted, no tema, por favor... Mi intención nunca fue lastimarle, vera... Mi corazón negro goza amar sometiéndole pero es porque cometió el grave error de creer que usted disfrutaba al estar a mis pies, es por eso que me atreví a colocarle este collar y hacerle arrodillarse, pero ya no más... Como le he dicho: me acercaré una última vez sólo para remover estas cadenas que lastiman su piel y espero que su odio no sea tan grande que le impida reconocer mi sincero arrepentimiento y tristeza por lo que le he hecho sentir.

Es probable que sienta repugnancia hacia mi persona y que no desee quedarse ni un segundo más en este lugar, pero si de algo sirve, quiero que sepa que es usted libre de permanecer en el castillo cuanto tiempo quiera y tiene mi palabra de que no se le volverá a molestar jamás, si le hago este ofrecimiento no es por querer mantenerla cerca sino porque es todo cuando tengo en mis manos para intentar reparar el daño que mi oscura alma le ha inflingido...

Mi amor por usted seguirá quemándome por dentro pero puedo asegurarle que no volveré a incordiarla queriendo expresárselo.
Atte. Dorian Gray

2010-03-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

NUMB3RS

7. The months since I moved from Mexico City to Xalapa...

2. The months since I moved back.

6. The round bus trips from Mexico City to Xalapa each weekend.

5. The times my heart has got broken on those trips.

Same number plus 1. The times my heart has healed... (Heeere we are, born to be kings, we're the princes of the uuuniverse!).

1. THE Girl (The reason I go back to Xalapa each weekend).

1145. The days I have been in love with that girl, and counting.

28. The days in my new job (The reason I moved back to Mexico City).

12,000. The amount in mexican pesos I owe to my mother (because my new job hasn't paid me yet).

2. The courses I have give about Integral Adolescent Health.

1. The year since my last birthday.

14. The gifts I still haven't received.

2010-03-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

Pedacitos

Tengo bien pinche roto el corazón... y además, tengo que tragarme cada uno de los pedacitos.

2010-02-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

"Sabes rico...

...Y yo soy muy oral".

2010-02-13T18:35:00.000-08:00

"What a weirdo"

Well... It's official, at least "on-line official":

If this is real why would I put this on-line were everybody can see? well, let's see:

1. I don't give a fuck about what anyone could think about when reading this . Mostly because:

2. The only recognition I need comes from within (and I already know I'm one of the best ).

aaand 3. I still get your attention .

Go ahead: be a weirdo too.

2010-01-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

I can see them
Hunting for me
Aiming for my heart
All the sad songs in the world

I have no intention to fight back
I hope they kill me

2010-01-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

So I'm back...

...sort of. I have been working (as well as procastinating) on my personal universe, moving toward my dream. One of the principles I hold on to achieve it is this:

So... what are you waiting for? Go get it.

2009-10-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy, busy...

Very busy, working on my personal plan TO CONQUER THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHA! errr...
I mean: to change the world .

As soon as I finish the first phase I'll be back and I will let you know what is about and how it goes. For now all I can tell you that it has to do with this philosophy:

Something I have always believed and practiced, specially when it comes to work with adolescents: Yes, people can change for the better, all we have to do is find the way to make it fun!

2009-09-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

The Purpose of Life

"We owe our minds to the deaths and lives of all the creatures that were ever engaged in the struggle called Evolution. Our job is to see that all this work shall not end up in meaningless waste".

Marvin Minsky

2009-09-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

"Frame 101" (2009)

2009-09-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

An Unhappy Post

This is one of those posts I'm not happy about, not because I'm a perfeccionist, but because deals with things I prefer weren´t there... Sadly, you could sum the last three months of my life in one word: Procrastination. If you read the Wikipedia you will notice that the core of this behaviour has to do with dealing with anxiety, Sooo... Let's move on to the next part of the show!
Theee ooobvious question!

What I'm anxious about? well, the answer is very easy: I am afraid of failing, I am afraid of being rejected by the job market, but I'm also afraid of the opposite, of contracting responsibilities, of having to always keep up with the work untill I die

Why? jeez... Many reasons, the most important ones are (in no particualr order, except the free association process):

1. During primary, secondary and high school I was a terrible student (Up to this day I don't know how I was able to get to the university... and two masters ). Going home with the report card grade was a living nithmare because my father was always highly dissapointed of me.

2. Due to the prior I have always felt that no matter how much I study or learn I'm still under average, and therefore, unworthy of being considered as a good professional (this also explains why now I seek learning like a cocaine addict after one day of quitting).

-Pause to recover from writing the last two reasons...-

-I still need the pause...-

...

Okay, lets keep going:

3. I have always prefered to live in my fantasy world (as a child I spend my afternoons writing stories or drawing or building scale models). Reality hasn't got any better since then and be plugged to the web the whole day has replaced the scale models.

So, starting rigth now* things WILL CHANGE (they have to)...
And I'm scared because it could cost me the most precious possesion known by mankind:
My... comfort zone.

* I was going to write "starting on monday"

2009-09-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

The Psychic Structure

They're back! Click on the chessboard!

2009-09-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

For Pleasure

Another reason why I like cats:

They kill for pleasure

2009-09-18T12:34:00.001-07:00

No More Cookies

Yesterday something very sad happened, after more than ten years of a great relationship I saw myself forced to broke up with... the chocochips cookies . I oppened a package and started to eat them but they didn't have that spark, I tried to keep eating but no... they tasted the same but they just didn't make me jolly anymore .So, next time I go for the groceries I will buy a.... different type of cookie*... ¡buaaa!

*One with more chocolate on it... I think I'm in need of increase the dose .

2009-09-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

Japan VIII, The Journey (Part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V, part VI, part VII).

I was lucky to witness one of the the three great Shinto festivals in Tokyo, since Wikipedia does a better job than me explaining it, I will leave you with my favorite pics of the "Sanja Matsuri" experience:

The main characteristic of this festival are the mikoshi that people carry around, and like in this picture even children do it:

The festival is helded at Asakusa Temple, which, by the amount of people gathered inside, you can tell is huge:

But not as huge as the number of people that this festival attracts:

"River of People" (Sanja Matsuri Festival, Tokyo 2005)

In the festival I had the chance to see a couple of interesting things: Women wearing kimonos...

...and Yakuza.

I remember the experience dearly, not only for the things I saw there but also because it gave me one of the photos I like the most:

"Yakuza" (Yakuza member at the Sanja Matsuri festival, Tokyo 2005)

2009-09-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Once upon a Christmas... (extract from my diary, December 2006)

My Uncle Eugenio, trying to communicate with Xala:

Uncle Eugenio:
Blawdi numb ofpe.

Xala (looking at me):
What?!

Me:
You have to be clearer...

Uncle Eugenio:
Okay, let´s try again... Blaw... di... numb.... of... pe.

Xala:
...No idea what this guy is saying.

2009-09-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

When Facing the Darkness

"If you shoot beam lights into the darkness they'll eventually dissapear... what you must achieve is make the darkness itself glow"

2009-09-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

The 50's

Seriously, whomever had lost a housewife from the 50's please come to take it out of my body...

I'm starting to like it...

Here's the proof:

Fresh lemon drink,
Mushrooms cream soup,
Pimento and carrots salad,
A slice of fresh bread,
Cheese,
Chiken steak
And color matching dishes!

I'm even start to think of it as a form of art:

"The Main Dish" (Some yummy delicious food, 2009)

2009-09-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

The Body Swap Experience

10:00 am. Make some breakfast.
10:30 am. Take Cangu to the seamstress 'cause she needed a hood for one of her classes.
11:30 am: Take Cangu to her school.
12:00 pm. Buy the fabric for the hood.
12:30 pm. Go to the bank.
1:00 pm. Go with the seamstress and give her the fabric.
1:30 pm. Go to the house.
2:00 pm. Do the laundry.
3:00 pm. Prepare the meal.
4:00 pm. Buy some meat.
4:30 pm. Pickup Cangu at her school and bring her home to eat.
5:30 pm. Go to the seamstress for the hood.
6:00 pm. Leave Cangu at her school.
6:30 pm. Buy a water gallon and go back to the house.
7:00 pm. Clean the room.
9:00 pm. Wash the dishes.
10:00 pm. Pick up Cangu at her school and bring her home.
10:30 pm. Get to the bed and pass out.

I had enough of this body swap experience, so whomever has my body... Can please give it back as soon as possible? Thank you.

2009-08-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

An Atheist Nightmare

- Yesterday I had the worst nightmare ever...

- What did you dream?

- I dreamt with the devil, it was horrible...

- What was about?

- He was pulling the most scariest tricks ever, like a mix of The Haunting, The Amityville Horror, Evil Dead, The Ring, The Grudge and The Exorcism of Emily Rose...

- And what he wanted?

- Force me to believe that god existed!

2009-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Not Just a Comic Book

I went to my favorite comick book store to buy the latest issue of Daredevil/Thor flipbook...

But then, like a miniskirt crossing in front of your car while you wait for the green light, something catched my eye...
It was on a glossy bag... (I was atractted to its shine)
The characters were beautifully drawed... (specially the big tits on the girl)
It had the legend: "Mexican comic"... (My hands started to sweat)
The title was "Soulkeeepers"... (My "thiscouldbeaninterestingsubjectforacomic" radar was beeping like crazy)
But what gave me the courage to defy a Hell's Kichen vigilant and a god of thunder in one movement by spending the last money I had for comics was that...

It had THAT on the upperleft corner...

an inmaculate #1 was printed on it...

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods!

Daughter of Elysium!
We enter fire imbibed!
HEAVENLY, THY SANCTUARYYY!

Let´s hope there's still a Darevedil/Thor issue available next month...

2009-08-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yo Ho Yo Ho!

Moving is a lot of work:

Cleaning...

And more cleaning...

And the most important thing: store your dvd collection in a two-stage cross reference order...

Fortunately you can do all that in your undies...

Yo ho, yo ho...!

...A cowboy's life for me!

2009-08-30T06:50:00.000-07:00

"Pasta on the Beach"

Today we will teach you how to cook a delicious gourmet dish.

Ingredients:
- 1 beach.
- 400 grms of cheese.
- 1 cheap pot (because you will forgot it on the beach at the next day).
- 1 can of mushrooms.
- 1 package of tomato sauce.
- 2 bottles of water (because the pot will fall and spill the water of the first bottle and you will need to start again).
- lots of dry palmtree leafs and a huge trunk.
- 1 camping tent
- That's it! Oh no! wait! ...and 1 package of pasta.

Prep time: 1 hour + the time you make to the nearest beach.

Cook time: 40 minutes.

Preparation:

Dig a hole on the sand like a crazy dog, stop digging untill a 8 years old kid fits in there in fetal position and then proceed to fill the hole with the palm tree leafs; on top of it put the trunk (don´t forget to take out the 8 years old kid).

Start a fire (I hope you have seen Cast Away. We didn´t so we ignited a few paper sheets with a lighter)

Then, follow the next video step by step:

Put the tent

(or were you thinking to sleep on the sand?)

Dance around the bonfire praising the "fire god" (It's fun!)

So far, if you're doing it right, it looks like this:

Eat it with your fingers because you forgot to buy some forks.

¡Bon appettite!

2009-08-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Fast Track Adventures

1. On a Sunday morning I went with Elo to do some micro climbing training.

"The Edge" Elo's feet (2009)

"Micros" My hand (2009)

2. While walking to the city I was blowing some bubbles and Nath was trying to burst them.

"Green" Nath bursting bubbles (2009)

"Country Bubbles" Nath bursting bubbles (2009)

3. I invested a weekend trying to make the clinic look good...

...I like to think I achieved it. (Nath helped me, thanks beautiful)

4. Cangu was hungry, I was hungry, it was 2:00 am...
...We bought tacos:

Living in Mexico is like living in Herbert's mansion, Yummy!

2009-08-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Money, its a hit...

See this?

Is Excel! I never work in Excel! I hate it! See this?

It says "Detailed budget", I hate budgets! Specially when they are detailed! And even more when they have 6 pages!

And each page has 4 columns!

AND THEY ALL HAVE FORMULAS!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Why am I doing something that I hate so much? The universe has succeded in its conspiration to made a full grown up adult out of me and from now on and untill the day I die I'm forced to do a (insert puking sound effects) "detailed budget" because
to have control of my money and invest it wisely. What I hate the most is that there's no way out, once is your turn to throw the dice, you have to keep playing this stupid game untill you're finished (because let's not fool ourselves: you will be finished, is just matter of how).

Since a month ago everytime I get one of these things:

I go like this:

But you know what universe? "I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!". I said it before and I'll say it again: This goes on MY OWN TERMS, so I will not become a men in grey, I will NOT go around telling to the young: "you can´t live on love" because even when everything costs, money is a tool, not an end, therefore must not be praised or pursued, it must be used, because what gives money its value is the effort invested to earn it and this effort comes from the desire of experiences you want to live or the love for the people you spend your money with.

So yeah, I will keep throwing the dice, using your bills...

...but the cards and the board, those are MY design.

Which, by the way, is something like this:

2009-08-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

LOTS!

I have always thought that moving in together is not the portal to a dreamy life rather than the desire to honor the oath "Due to the love I feel for you I will commit myself to buy 44 pounds of patience, a box of negotiation skills (batteries not included) and a 'I know I am right but we will go your way' kit (light sabers included), even when right now the only thing I want to do is shot you in the head... twice".

Af all the recent experiences, moving in with Nath is the most fulfilling and also, the most complex; one of the things I confirm after two months living together is this:

Having a healthy couple relationship takes LOTS, LOTS, LOTS, LOOOOTS!!! of communication... This is our list of things we consider must to work out:

(I know, I have a cryptographic handwriting) Anyway, in the past couple of weeks Nath and I have been getting into microscopical figths to the death, since what we're looking is go the other way around (a.k.a: spend our lifes together) we haven't delivered a fatality (which is a sort of waste of all those years playing mortal kombat... but let's go back to the issue at hand), so, after a week in our respective corners we managed to talk about all the crap and misunderstandings and we finally reached several agreements and we have also managed to put them in practice . Of this experience what astonish me the most is my own flexibility and will to make it work, never in my life I have go so far or endure so much for anyone before, and now I feel compelled to do it... Why will somebody go further than ever before? Walk an extra mile? Stay up late? Wash the dishes? and the most important question of all: Happily yield the last cookie?
...HAPPILY!

So far I think there's only one good reason behind it: because is worth it.

So let's see: Before the last talk, Nath used to drive me crazy with her occasional random agression, blow my brains out with her jealous reactions and dry out my patience with her selfish attitude... Now she not only has started to change those things, but she also drives me crazy with her kisses, blow my brains out with the experiences she makes me go trough and dries out the bitternes of life with her playful attitude... yeap, THIS GIRL IS ALL WORTH IT!!!

"So Happy Together" Nath and me (2008)

...and the sex! let's not forget the sex!

2009-08-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Catwalk

"Catwalk" Cat on the street (2008)

2009-08-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

Ballerina

"Music Box Ballerina" Nath in a Mexico City museum (2008)

2009-08-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

"Extraño extrañarte"

Cangu

2009-08-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Star Shower Miracle

Something else than stardust fell from the sky yesterday:

Is a female and we have decided to call her "Swift Suki" ("Swift" in honor to the meteor and "Suki" because Cangu likes it), Nath saw her in the street lost and scared; I told her: "if it wants to go with you then we adopted it".

Now I have a family...

...Now I REALLY need a job.

2009-08-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

Por ti, contra ti

¿Qué hago ahora? ¿Te dejo ir?

¿Aunque te lleves mi ser?

¿Lucho por ti contra ti?

Que necedad...

Supongo que es amor...

"Love Rings" (2008)

2009-08-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

FU...! GOD DA...! HOLLY CR...! WHAT THE HECK!!! I CAN´T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!! 2nd part -1st part here- (Extract from my diary, August 2005)

Today was an awful day… because I had to go to work and tell my boss what happened and ask her permission to stay at home until my mom arrives (cause I don’t want to leave the house alone) so basically I stayed at home working and jumping at every strange sound I heard (which was pretty much every 5 minutes) and David went to the police station to file an act. Then I went to my English class and he stayed watching the house...

In the morning we hear a sound and we ran to the backyard ready to fight!

(David concluded it was nothing, I said it was an invisible ninja).

That's why I decided to create the C.V.T.G.M.H. Force (Couple of Vigilants That Guard My House): Corp Bruno reporting to active duty, Sir!

(Yes, that's a hockey stick, Sir!)

While I was in English class david started to disarm the climbing walls, while keeping vigilance of the sorroundings

(Yes, that's a bat, Sir!)

I think this picture speak for itself (Yes, that’s an airgun, Sir!) this is pretty much how we spend the day… waiting for the universe to give us the chance to revenge!

(Not really, we just did these shots to laugh about the experience because that's the only thing we can do about it, Sir!)

Epilogue 1

December 2006. Burglars; they came again (this is the fourth time I think) .This time I was in the house and I saw them when they were trying to figure out how to enter the house, after assessing the situation I realize with sadness that it would be impossible to sneak upon them and fulminate them with my karate skills, so all that came up to my mind was tell to the one below my bedroom window: "I recommend you go back home", the I saw them running away into the woods... after a while I thought I should have said "Merry Christmas!". I am seriously thinking in buying and arrow and keep it next to my bed, no more missed opportunities!

Epilogue 2

July 2009. The very day I came back from Mexico City we discovered that burglars have entered (again) to the house... we were forced to improve the security A LOT. Here are a couple of pics about the changes we did:

Now no jew will escape!

2009-08-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

The most painful thing

This was suppose to be a happy post, like: "Yeey! I was able to buy my omnibus X-men comic after all! I'm so happy!" and a nice pic of it was to be part of the happy post, like this one:

But now is a very sad post, why? because one of the hardest pains in life is to see a mistreated comic and mine has been shredded:

sniff, sniff...

Why?!

WHYYYYY?!!!

2009-08-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

My driver´s license and Che Guevara

A few days ago I went to get my driver's license; they asked me a few questions, the last one made me remember a quote from Che Guevara. Why? because the truth is that everytime you get into you car it could be the last:

- Blood type?
- A positive.

- Alergies?
- None.

- Will you be willing to donate your organs?
- Yes.

"Whenever death may surprise us, let it be welcome..."

2009-08-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Absent

"Absent" Unfinished painting (2007)

2009-08-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Bolder

A few posts ago I told you how much my level of coolness have recently upgraded, well it seems that I am on a roll because my boldness attribute have also increased; how come? because I already signed up to take care of the payments for a new car... and I don´t even have a job! That bold I have become!

(I hope these recent upgradings mean I will get the wings soon)

2009-08-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Aquí está...

...No la vayas a cagar.

2009-07-31T19:21:00.000-07:00

Party!

The best friend of my girlfriend asked me the house to host her birthday party. The things that happened in this party have become some of the best experiences in my life, yet...

I swear...!

...I will never do this...!

...AGAIN!

...and this time, I mean it.

2009-07-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Tú me haces escuchar luciernagas...

"Fireflies" (2007)

2009-07-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

A Brute

See that? That's me keeping it cool in front Maximus, you know, the "father of a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife and who will have his revenge" and I'm there, keeping it cool despise the crowd is showing him the thumbs down.

Now, see this: this is the silent/mysterious guy, in every martial arts movie there´s a guy like this, and the second you see him, you know is the biggest ass kicker and nobody should mess with him...

...Well, here I am, keeping it cool, after using his strange mallet as a pipe to smoke some pot.

And here is one of the the nature most vicious killing machine: A huge, rabid bear...

And look at me: cool. (The bear is pissed off because a second ago I kicked it in the nuts... twice).

But that's not all! Here is the guy who can sneeze with his eyes open, and I'm keeping it cool in front of him... just before he sneezes.

And if you just think there can be no more coolness, here's a final proof of what I have become: That's me, keeping it cool in front of a psycho ex-girlfriend who thinks we're still together, on the day we supposedly have our 5th anniversary...

...with PMS.

How's possible to keep so much cool you wonder? Because I finally give in... I have become a brute.

2009-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

Anonymous

Sometimes I wish this blog were anonymous, you know, something like this:

"I recently had a trip to the city of B. and who I came across with? ...(insert name of a guy from work)! This wouldn't be a problem except that I called in sick to the office to be able to do this trip, fortunately, because he had done the same than me, we agreed to shut the hell up. Now, back in F., sometimes, just by giving each other 'The Look', we know is time to sneak out to S. (the closest bar)".

"My buddy and me, making sure nobody is following us to our secret hideout".

"The organogram of my department".

"The girl from -censored- department we both like".

"People in the street we came across with".

"My favorite painting".

"A dangerous criminal that escaped yesterday from county prison... Police are stupid, how the hell are we going to recognize him if they blurred his face?!".

That way, with a secret identity, I will be one step closer to fulfill my true nature's call: be a superhero. Or maybe I am already! And this blog is just a false facade and the posts are codified messages, eh? EH?! Anyway... I went to eat pizza yesterday. Awesome isn't?! It was pretty crazy because I didn't knew what sauce to put on: Mild chilli? Hot chilli? Worcestershire? Ketchup? so I ended adding all of them at the same time! WILD!

...

2009-07-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

The Mad House

My grandma says that her house is the mad house, I always thougth that was exagerated untill I witnessed the next dialogue:

Me: ...and I felt I was losing my soul.

My grandma: What did he said?

My ant: That he felt he was losing his soul...

My grandma: Who said that?

My ant: Who else but Bruno?! What did you ask in the first place?!

My grandma: I forgot what I asked...

2009-07-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

FU...! GOD DA...! HOLLY CR...! WHAT THE HECK!!! I CAN´T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!! (Extract from my diary, August 2005)

Police searching around the house... whyyy?

Remember that I thought just cows would want to get in here? Well... Surpriiise!!! You have been robbed!

There used to be 3 more pairs of shoes in here... there are no more.

There used to be a katana in here... there is no more.

There used to be a lap-top in here... there is no more.

Some burglars entered to my house while I was eating pizza with my friends... Right now I feel frustrated and sad, because honestly I don't care about my shoes or the jewels, or the katana; what has affected me is that I have no lap-top anymore…

Now once again I have no computer to do my work, and its an awful feeling… there are very few chances that the police will find it, so now I will have to work on pencil and paper… its going to take a lot of patience to work that way… if I had the money to buy another one I wouldn’t be this sad… but unfortunately I am far from rich so is very likely that I will be working in paper and pencil until universe knows when… and to make it worst I hate the feeling of not being safe in your own house… now we will need to put more protection, buy another dog, leave everything close every time we go out… I hate it… and my mom is going to have a heart attack when she comes back and find it out… damn… so here we go again:

FU….!!! GOD DA….!!! HOLLY CR….!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!!!
THEY STEALED MY LAP-TOP!!!! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!!

UPDATE: Now that I have a lap-top, I do miss my katana.

2009-07-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

How do you know?

Q: How do you know your adolescence has ended?

Option A: When you have 400 US dollars and instead of buying an Xbox, you buy a fridge.

Option B: When you have 20 US dollars and instead of buying an X-men omnibus, you buy food.

Option C: When you wake up early in the morning because is a sunny day... and is perfect for doing laundry.

Option D: All the prior.

The right answer is...

"D"!

...sadly.

2009-07-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

Dawn

The world around me has changed
And I will change with it
A new stage of my journey across the universe begins
The awakening of the sky tells me so

"Red Dawn" (Xalapa, Mexico 2006)

2009-07-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

Back to the Shire

A week ago I left Mexico City, but I haven't finished my home moving... The house in Xalapa requires a lot of improvements so I'm trapped. But the really bad part is that I don't have internet there, so for now, posts will appear in s l o o o w motion, but I'll be back (unless a squirrel kills me first).

2009-06-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

Sui Generis

Sui generis encuentro

Sui generis tú

Sui generis yo

Sui generis universo

Que un sueño alojó

2009-06-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

E-tests that reveal something about me (and make me look cool at the same time).

The "What Song would you be" Test.

The Faithful Lover, You scored -12 Obscurity, 21 Romance, 25 Mysticism and 45 Positivity!

You are the song "Over the Hills and Far Away" by the band Nightwish, perhaps the most popular, if not actually the most popular, Power Metal band, which has gained them great love and hatred; hardcore metal fans believe that the essence of Metal is to remain underground, thus their despise for Nightwish. Most of the songs are interpreted by Tarja Turunen, a woman with an incredible and mesmerizing voice. You tell the voice of a forbidden love which was tragically set apart, but no matter what happens and how long it takes, both you and your lover will wait for each other, never losing the hope that you will be together again, and that when that day comes, you will feel complete again. You are a very optimistic person, most likely a very sociable and stable one, with a deep connection with your feelings and your inner self, always looking for the brighter side of things and never losing hope, you believe that no matter what the hardships are, when they come, you will be ready to fight them... and succeed!

2009-06-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

...Y yo a ti.

2009-06-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Epiphany

DMT (Dimethyltryptamine) is a chemical released by the Pineal gland. Every night when we sleep, we have a DMT trip. DMT is what our dreams are made of. When we die, our brain is flooded with DMT.

I took a nap and just had the best dreams of my life ever! Of all of them, I already know which one my brain will display just before I die: A huge band will be giving a concert in a stadium; the last song will be "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" punk rock instrumental version, while playing it lasers and fireworks will be displayed. Each one of the band members will be people I love, Nathaly will be playing the leading guitar and I will be playing the drums. A rain will start to fall and the brightest, hugest rainbow will appear over the stadium. I will hit the drums one last time, put my hands up in the air, kiss Nath and, while the last note is still in the air and with the biggest explosion of fireworks ever, it will be over!

"A dream come true" (Xalapa, Mexico 2009)

Wait... I have just been informed about something called "Meet Joe Black".

2009-06-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

I wish I could pronounce your name and say goodbye
But tears are the only thing that come out of me
Like the golden leafs
That are brighter in the brief moment
they let themselves go
This is the autumm of our holding hands
We shine
and then, in a breeze, our faces in those photos

will fade out

"Autumm" (University City, Mexico 2007)

2009-06-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Yukio Mishima

(Yesterday I went with Pinball to see "Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters", the impressions about the movie leaded to the following)

- What do you think about the movie?

- Is hard to say because, for me, except for two things, Mishima and I are the same.

- Two things?

- Yeah, one: he writes muuuch better than me and two: he was more in love with the military than me. Apart from that I feel so similar to him that is scary...

He confesses that "he was aware of words before he was aware of the flesh" and began weight training; same thing happened to me when at 19 years old, I realized I was very weak and skinny and that a sharp body was as important as a sharp intellect.

"The harmony of pen and sword" are a more beautiful methapor of my idea that "the simple action of speak has put in movement the act of doing, speak and do are the same thing". Not to mention about his belief in Bushido...

His Shield Society army remind me of my "Adolescent Force" (The group of adolescent peer counselors I created and trained in 2006 -one anecdote about it here-).

His love for honorable death -and suicide- that are reflected on his writing and life are also present in mine (This is what scares me the most).

The love he had for his country is the same of mine to the world: dissapointed, angry, sad and yet, willing to die for.

And his sexuality, well... this is the most famous picture of him:

Yukio Mishima in the pose of Saint Sebastian

...I have THIS picture:

"Sepia" Self-portrait (Xalapa, 2005)

And plus, the "How gay or straight are you?" test gives me the following result:

Congratulations! You scored 50%! Equally heterosexual and homosexual. You are one of the few people who could be truly bisexual. Most people who are bisexual tend to lean more toward the men or the women. You can also consider yourself pansexual. Yay for equality.

2009-06-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

"He dejado mis cabellos más y más largos para que te columpies,
para que cuando tengas frío te enrolles,
cuando tengas miedo te ocultes,
para que juguemos a las escondidas,
para que habites en ellos,
en mi".

By Nath

2009-06-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

Japan VII, The Journey (Part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V, part VI).

One of the best parts: THE FOOD!

A characteristic of the Japanese food is that not only is tasty, is also beautiful:
(Doesn't seem like a jewelry box?)

Of course I managed to improve it, behold: SUSHIGHETTI!

And this is how a candy store looks like in Japan:

Of course I bought the most weird candy at the store: Sweet beans! Why is it weird? because in Mexico beans are always salty and most of the times are served with the meat. And because they look like this:

I know, I know... you're thinking: who was the sick bastard that put shit with nachos in a plate?! Now you will have to agree with me that the sweet beans muffin is the weirdest candy of all!

2009-06-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

Statue

"Monument to Joy" Cangu at some park (Mexico City, 2009)

2009-06-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

The King

- What is your favorite animal?

- Cats.

- Why?

- They have all the advantages of the big felines and none of their handicaps. Plus, if it is a cold night you can put them on your feet.

"King of the Concrete Jungle" (Mexico City, 2009)

2009-06-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

Adulthood

Sheesh... this is officially the shortest suicidal phase of my life, after just a few hours I'm back on my feet. This means I have reached adulthood... and I don't like it, maturity takes away all the fun to the emo moments of life.

2009-06-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

Last Resort

Everytime I'm confronted with a lifetime decision my brain switches automatically to the "Idon'tgiveafuck" mode and suicide starts to seem as a lovely, peaceful landscape. Luckily I have one last resort:

2009-06-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

Suicidal Impulse Part 9 "The Gravestone" (extract from my diary October 2005).

(You can find part 7 and 8 here).

So as you see, when getting real on suicide you find that you will need to be damn sure about wanting to die, otherwise you probably will chiken out, which is nothing to be ashamed of, lots of succesfully suicides went trough a several failures before, so do not lose hope!

There´s nothing more to add to this issue, except maybe a couple of links for those who might need extra information to make an informed decision:

The document who helped me with these posts: A practical guide to suicide.

Frequently asked questions about suicide.

Positive impacts of our death.

For those in need of religious guidance, The Church of Euthanasia.

If you are REALLY feeling suicidal: read this first.

Thank you for reading everybody. And now, to close our show, ladies and gentleman... Mr. Cake!

2009-06-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

"Si" me dijo y vi la sensualidad deslizarse lentamente por sus labios,
en tan sólo un segundo, sin siquiera tocarle, la besé y la amé toda la noche
y en sus pupilas donde guardaba la luna, para siempre, me dormí.

2009-06-19T18:41:00.000-07:00

A Pact with the Devil Within

The devil has come to make me an offer, whatever my final decision be, my life will be completely different forever.

Possible lifepath one. Stay in Mexico City, work for the CeNSIA, have a good and sure paycheck and the most important thing: the chance to make a difference in the whole country.
Downside: live in the city with a low quality of life and away from the ocean or the mountains, be lonely most of the time.

Possible lifepath two. Go back to Xalapa, try to find a job in some organization advocated to adolescents and/or sexual health, freelance (meaning no sure or very low pay) with workshops at the schools and the private clinic.
Downside: High possibilities of failure due to elements out of my sphere of influence.

One day I will look back to this day and I will now it was the moment I decided the rest of my life. And then, like now, this song will be inside my head:

And I'll ask myself: Did I changed it? I did everything that was in my hands to make it a better place?

2009-06-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

I Just Lost.

I was surfing the web, and you know, a link took me to another and that one to another, untill I ended up here and BLAM! I lost the game. But I'm happy because right now, you just lost too.

2009-06-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

Cows from Mars (extract from my diary, October 2005)

What's this?

Yeah, you already know: a cow in my backyard... nothing surprising, right?

And this?

Yeah, you already know that too: a couple of cows in my front yard... no surprise here either.

But wait... What about this?

Cows in my backyard!

Cows in the driveway!!

Cows at the window kitchen!!

COWS EVERYWHERE!!!

COWS ARE INVADING MEXICO!!!

SOMEBODY HEEELP MEEE!!!

You might think this is a stupid theory, but it is my belief that Martians had disguised themselves as cows and are starting to take over the world; don't laugh! It is happening right now while I'm writing! (my house is sorrounded by cows that stare at you in a creepy way... I think they are studying us) You think I'm kidding, but if so, how do you explain that cows are regarded as sacred in India? I'm telling you: is a Mars invasion!!

My advice: next time you come across with a cow: RUN! (Shoot at it would be advisable, but I don't know if Martians are bulletproff, so you better RUN!! Or hit it with a heavy stick... on the head, that might work better than bullets ).

2009-06-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Infinitas Gracias (English highlights below)

Discurso de graduación en la maestría por Pinball:

Buen día. Mi corazón palpita al cien, me sudan las manos, me tiemblan las piernas, estoy muy emocionada por estar aqui, por hablar aquí, por y para mis compañeros y maestros, por los que me aprecian, por los que quiero y valoro. Después de que me eligieron para dar este discurso pregunté a uno de mis compañeros ¡¿Qué voy a decir?! Él me respondió: lo que quieras decir, lo que tú viviste en la maestría, tal y como tú ves las cosas, no trates de complacer a nadie, por ahí comienza el camino a la infelicidad. Tenía razón... aquí voy.

Sal, pimienta, miel, limón, azúcar... no es un festín culinario, es el final de la maestría, momentos dulces, salados, ácidos, amargos, de los que la vida esta hecha. Olímpicas subidas al nevado de Toluca, dolorosas caídas en el diván. Todos lo sabían, el grupo estaba dividido: primero en dos, luego en tres, luego en cuatro, y ya no sé, un rompecabezas cuyas piezas no embonaron, pero yo tendría algo que objetar, la idea de que un grupo está unido es ciertamente una ilusión. Me gustó vernos crecer, presenciar la metamorfosis de nuestro oído, de un capullo hermético (barrera ante el sufrimiento del otro), en una flor de loto (oído abierto de múltiples pétalos que resuenan con el decir del paciente). Durante la metamorfosis: heridas narcicistas en supervisión, topes en la pared sin entender qué diablos es la pulsión, desveladas en compañia de Freud. Si pudiera caricaturizar mi estado ante los pacientes en los comienzos de la maestría, mi cabeza estaría rodeada de signos de interrogación; al final de la maestría las palabras de mis pacientes se transformarían en hilos que enhebro, que bordo, para crear algo nuevo, una vida diferente.

Duelo por el cuerpo, por la identidad, por los padres de la infancia, un momento... ¿de quién estoy hablando? De los pacientes o de mí, o del grupo; ciertamente el tema de la adolescencia nos movilizó en muchos sentidos, nos comportamos como unos mocuelos en flor, pero vaya que me divertí, vaya que me hicieron reír, y yo a ustedes, hasta las lágrimas, hasta un abrazo, hasta un beso, vorágine de pasiones, de ataques y de fugas... nos metimos en un castillo de espejos y chocamos unos contra otros varias veces pero logramos salir ilesos y nuestros corazones siguen intactos, y nuestra vida ahora es más rica. El mesías que uniría al grupo nunca llegó, pero es que nunca llegará, por eso es mesías, no hubo redención, ésta no existe. No hay saber completo, ni acabado, la maestría me enseño a vivir con la incertidumbre, a entregarme al azar de la vida, a cuestionar lo obvio, a darme cuenta de que no hay saber completo ni acabado, que puedo contribuir a crear un mundo distinto, a cambiar el curso fatal de una vida. Ya vivimos nuestro primer carnaval, nuestras primeras horas de vuelo.

En nombre de mis compañeros agradezco a Boni por su entusiasmo, cariño, su entrega a pesar de los obstáculos, su sabiduría compartida, por echarnos aire con su abanico de experiencia, por los chocolates y por las Halls. Profesor Guarner, usted hace parecer el psicoanálisis tan divertido y sencillo que nos brinda ánimos para seguir la formación en la clínica. Profesor Zarco, su vitalidad nos indica que el camino que iniciamos vale la pena. Aunque la profesora Solloa no se encuentra tengo que decir que áun me sigo preguntando cómo le da tiempo de verse siempre bonita y glamorosa y tener tal cantidad de conocimientos. Profesora Fabre, su sentido del humor al guiarnos por el dificil camino de la clínica es algo que nunca olvidaremos, prometemos leer mucho y ver muchas películas. A todos los maestros que no he mencionado, gracias por su pasión por la enseñanza. La maestría fue una experiencia invaluable e inolvidable.

¡La formación sigue!

Infinitas gracias...

Highlights:

"Don´t try to please anybody, that´s the path to unhappiness..."

"The idea that a group is united is truly an illusion..."

"The messiah that will unite the group never arrived, but it is because it can't, that's why it's called a messiah..."

"The master taught me to live with the uncertainity, to let myself go along with the randomness of life..."